• What's the definition of an accountant? 
• Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. 

• What's the definition of a good tax accountant? 
• Someone who has a loophole named after him. 

• When does a person decide to become an accountant? 
• When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. 

• What does an accountant use for birth control? 
• His personality. 

• What's an extroverted accountant? 
• One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. 

• What's an auditor? 
• Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. 

• There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't. 

• What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? 
• Refusing to fill out the guest comment card. 

• How do you drive an accountant completely insane? 
• Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way. 

• What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? 
• Go into town and gang-audit someone. 

• What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? 
• Depreciation. 

• An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. 

• An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."