Finance terms and definitions

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio -The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the Market keeps crashing.
Broker - Poorer than we were in 1999.
"Buy, Buy" - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
Standard & Poor - Our life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded our stock.
Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow - The movement our money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Cisco - Sidekick of Pancho.
Yahoo - What we yell after selling it to some poor sucker for US$240 per share.
Windows XP - What we jump out of when we're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan - God